Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Murphy's Laws

I was surfing the net this morning and came across a site I'd like to share with you all.  In case you don't know, 'Murphy's Law' refers to a lot of diverse 'laws' of which the most well known is 'if anything bad can happen to some poor sod, it will.  Where I'm from, it's referred to as 'Sod's Law' for this very reason.
But, I digress..  Here is the link to the site, enjoy: Murphy's Laws Site

Sunday, 27 May 2012

The Hosepipe Ban

At this very moment, my corner of the world (England) is experiencing the hottest 18 months in the past 100 years.  The underground reservoirs of water are running low and the government decided they would put in place a hosepipe ban.  This is extremely annoying and means that (except for a few select cases), no-one is allowed to use hosepipes and will be fined a hefty sum for doing so.  Though what is most annoying about this is that in these days of drought, it now takes twice as long to water your plants and the possibility of getting your inflatable swimming pool out is virtually nil.  The weather has been taking a strange turn lately and this ban may go on forever.  It is set to rain later this week, though and perhaps this country's weather will go back to doing what it does best, no matter how gloomy it is when it does so.  This rant is officially done

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Truisms by Jenny Holzer


A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE CAN GO A LONG WAY
A LOT OF PROFESSIONALS ARE CRACKPOTS
A MAN CAN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE A MOTHER
A NAME MEANS A LOT JUST BY ITSELF
A POSITIVE ATTITUDE MEANS ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD
A RELAXED MAN IS NOT NECESSARILY A BETTER MAN
A SENSE OF TIMING IS THE MARK OF GENIUS
A SINCERE EFFORT IS ALL YOU CAN ASK
A SINGLE EVENT CAN HAVE INFINITELY MANY INTERPRETATIONS
A SOLID HOME BASE BUILDS A SENSE OF SELF
A STRONG SENSE OF DUTY IMPRISONS YOU
ABSOLUTE SUBMISSION CAN BE A FORM OF FREEDOM
ABSTRACTION IS A TYPE OF DECADENCE
ABUSE OF POWER COMES AS NO SURPRISE
ACTION CAUSES MORE TROUBLE THAN THOUGHT
ALIENATION PRODUCES ECCENTRICS OR REVOLUTIONARIES
ALL THINGS ARE DELICATELY INTERCONNECTED
AMBITION IS JUST AS DANGEROUS AS COMPLACENCY
AMBIVALENCE CAN RUIN YOUR LIFE
AN ELITE IS INEVITABLE
ANGER OR HATE CAN BE A USEFUL MOTIVATING FORCE
ANIMALISM IS PERFECTLY HEALTHY
ANY SURPLUS IS IMMORAL
ANYTHING IS A LEGITIMATE AREA OF INVESTIGATION
ARTIFICIAL DESIRES ARE DESPOILING THE EARTH
AT TIMES INACTIVITY IS PREFERABLE TO MINDLESS FUNCTIONING
AT TIMES YOUR UNCONSCIOUSNESS IS TRUER THAN YOUR CONSCIOUS MIND
AUTOMATION IS DEADLY
AWFUL PUNISHMENT AWAITS REALLY BAD PEOPLE
BAD INTENTIONS CAN YIELD GOOD RESULTS
BEING ALONE WITH YOURSELF IS INCREASINGLY UNPOPULAR
BEING HAPPY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE
BEING JUDGMENTAL IS A SIGN OF LIFE
BEING SURE OF YOURSELF MEANS YOU'RE A FOOL
BELIEVING IN REBIRTH IS THE SAME AS ADMITTING DEFEAT
BOREDOM MAKES YOU DO CRAZY THINGS
CALM IS MORE CONDUCTIVE TO CREATIVITY THAN IS ANXIETY
CATEGORIZING FEAR IS CALMING
CHANGE IS VALUABLE WHEN THE OPPRESSED BECOME TYRANTS
CHASING THE NEW IS DANGEROUS TO SOCIETY
CHILDREN ARE THE MOST CRUEL OF ALL
CHILDREN ARE THE HOPE OF THE FUTURE
CLASS ACTION IS A NICE IDEA WITH NO SUBSTANCE
CLASS STRUCTURE IS AS ARTIFICIAL AS PLASTIC
CONFUSING YOURSELF IS A WAY TO STAY HONEST
CRIME AGAINST PROPERTY IS RELATIVELY UNIMPORTANT
DECADENCE CAN BE AN END IN ITSELF
DECENCY IS A RELATIVE THING
DEPENDENCE CAN BE A MEAL TICKET
DESCRIPTION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN METAPHOR
DEVIANTS ARE SACRIFICED TO INCREASE GROUP SOLIDARITY
DISGUST IS THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO MOST SITUATIONS
DISORGANIZATION IS A KIND OF ANESTHESIA
DON'T PLACE TOO MUCH TRUST IN EXPERTS
DRAMA OFTEN OBSCURES THE REAL ISSUES
DREAMING WHILE AWAKE IS A FRIGHTENING CONTRADICTION
DYING AND COMING BACK GIVES YOU CONSIDERABLE PERSPECTIVE
DYING SHOULD BE AS EASY AS FALLING OFF A LOG
EATING TOO MUCH IS CRIMINAL
ELABORATION IS A FORM OF POLLUTION
EMOTIONAL RESPONSES AR AS VALUABLE AS INTELLECTUAL RESPONSES
ENJOY YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING ANYWAY
ENSURE THAT YOUR LIFE STAYS IN FLUX
EVEN YOUR FAMILY CAN BETRAY YOU
EVERY ACHIEVEMENT REQUIRES A SACRIFICE
EVERYONE'S WORK IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT
EVERYTHING THAT'S INTERESTING IS NEW
EXCEPTIONAL PEOPLE DESERVE SPECIAL CONCESSIONS
EXPIRING FOR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID
EXPRESSING ANGER IS NECESSARY
EXTREME BEHAVIOR HAS ITS BASIS IN PATHOLOGICAL PSYCHOLOGY
EXTREME SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS LEADS TO PERVERSION
FAITHFULNESS IS A SOCIAL NOT A BIOLOGICAL LAW
FAKE OR REAL INDIFFERENCE IS A POWERFUL PERSONAL WEAPON
FATHERS OFTEN USE TOO MUCH FORCE
FEAR IS THE GREATEST INCAPACITATOR
FREEDOM IS A LUXURY NOT A NECESSITY
GIVING FREE REIN TO YOUR EMOTIONS IS AN HONEST WAY TO LIVE
GO ALL OUT IN ROMANCE AND LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY
GOING WITH THE FLOW IS SOOTHING BUT RISKY
GOOD DEEDS EVENTUALLY ARE REWARDED
GOVERNMENT IS A BURDEN ON THE PEOPLE
GRASSROOTS AGITATION IS THE ONLY HOPE
GUILT AND SELF-LACERATION ARE INDULGENCES
HABITUAL CONTEMPT DOESN'T REFLECT A FINER SENSIBILITY
HIDING YOUR EMOTIONS IS DESPICABLE
HOLDING BACK PROTECTS YOUR VITAL ENERGIES
HUMANISM IS OBSOLETE
HUMOUR IS A RELEASE
IDEALS ARE REPLACED BY CONVENTIONAL GOALS AT A CERTAIN AGE
IF YOU AREN'T POLITICAL YOUR PERSONAL LIFE SHOULD BE EXEMPLARY
IF YOU CAN'T LEAVE YOUR MARK GIVE UP
IF YOU HAVE MANY DESIRES YOUR LIFE WILL BE INTERESTING
IF YOU LIVE SIMPLY THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT
IGNORING ENEMIES IS THE BEST WAY TO FIGHT
ILLNESS IS A STATE OF MIND
IMPOSING ORDER IS MAN'S VOCATION FOR CHAOS IS HELL
IN SOME INSTANCES IT'S BETTER TO DIE THAN TO CONTINUE
IT CAN BE HELPFUL TO KEEP GOING NO MATTER WHAT
IT IS HEROIC TO TRY TO STOP TIME
IT IS MAN'S FATE TO OUTSMART HIMSELF
IT IS A GIFT TO THE WORLD NOT TO HAVE BABIES
IT'S BETTER TO BE A GOOD PERSON THAN A FAMOUS PERSON
IT'S BETTER TO BE LONELY THAN TO BE WITH INFERIOR PEOPLE
IT'S BETTER TO BE NAIVE THAN JADED
IT'S BETTER TO STUDY THE LIVING FACT THAN TO ANALYSE HISTORY
IT'S CRUCIAL TO HAVE AN ACTIVE FANTASY LIFE
IT'S GOOD TO GIVE EXTRA MONEY TO CHARITY
IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY CLEAN ON ALL LEVELS
IT'S JUST AN ACCIDENT THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE YOUR PARENTS
IT'S NOT GOOD TO HOLD TOO MANY ABSOLUTES
IT'S NOT GOOD TO OPERATE ON CREDIT
IT'S VITAL TO LIVE IN HARMONY WITH NATURE
JUST BELIEVING SOMETHING CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN
KEEP SOMETHING IN RESERVE FOR EMERGENCIES
KILLING IS UNAVOIDABLE BUT NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF
KNOWING YOURSELF LETS YOU UNDERSTAND OTHERS
KNOWLEDGE SHOULD BE ADVANCED AT ALL COSTS
LABOUR IS A LIFE-DESTROYING ACTIVITY
LACK OF CHARISMA CAN BE FATAL
LEISURE TIME IS A GIGANTIC SMOKE SCREEN
LISTEN WHEN YOUR BODY TALKS
LOOKING BACK IS THE FIRST SIGN OF AGING AND DECAY
LOVING ANIMALS IS A SUBSTITUTE ACTIVITY
LOW EXPECTATIONS ARE GOOD PROTECTION
MANUAL LABOR CAN BE REFRESHING AND WHOLESOME
MEN ARE NOT MONOGAMOUS BY NATURE
MODERATION KILLS THE SPIRIT
MONEY CREATES TASTE
MONOMANIA IS A PREREQUISITE OF SUCCESS
MORALS ARE FOR LITTLE PEOPLE
MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT FIT TO RULE THEMSELVES
MOSTLY YOU SHOULD MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
MOTHERS SHOULDN'T MAKE TOO MANY SACRIFICES
MUCH WAS DECIDED BEFORE YOU WERE BORN
MYTH CAN MAKE REALITY MORE INTELLIGIBLE
NOISE CAN BE HOSTILE
NOTHING UPSETS THE BALANCE OF GOOD AND EVIL
OCCASIONALLY PRINCIPLES ARE MORE VALUABLE THAN PEOPLE
OFFER VERY LITTLE INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF
OFTEN YOU SHOULD ACT LIKE YOU ARE SEXLESS
OLD FRIENDS ARE BETTER LEFT IN THE PAST
OPACITY IS AN IRRESISTIBLE CHALLENGE
PAIN CAN BE A VERY POSITIVE THING
PEOPLE ARE BORING UNLESS THEY ARE EXTREMISTS
PEOPLE ARE NUTS IF THEY THINK THEY ARE IMPORTANT
PEOPLE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT THEY DO UNLESS THEY ARE INSANE
PEOPLE WHO DON'T WORK WITH THEIR HANDS ARE PARASITES
PEOPLE WHO GO CRAZY ARE TOO SENSITIVE
PEOPLE WON'T BEHAVE IF THEY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE
PHYSICAL CULTURE IS SECOND BEST
PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE IS ESCAPISM
PLAYING IT SAFE CAN CAUSE A LOT OF DAMAGE IN THE LONG RUN
POLITICS IS USED FOR PERSONAL GAIN
POTENTIAL COUNTS FOR NOTHING UNTIL IT'S REALIZED
PRIVATE PROPERTY CREATED CRIME
PURSUING PLEASURE FOR THE SAKE OF PLEASURE WILL RUIN YOU
PUSH YOURSELF TO THE LIMIT AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE
RECHANNELING DESTRUCTIVE IMPULSES IS A SIGN OF MATURITY
RECLUSES ALWAYS GET WEAK
REDISTRIBUTING WEALTH IS IMPERATIVE
RELATIVITY IS NO BOON TO MANKIND
RELIGION CAUSES AS MANY PROBLEMS AS IT SOLVES
REMEMBER YOU ALWAYS HAVE FREEDOM OF CHOICE
REPETITION IS THE BEST WAY TO LEARN
RESOLUTIONS SERVE TO EASE OUR CONSCIENCE
REVOLUTION BEGINS WITH CHANGES IN THE INDIVIDUAL
ROUTINE IS A LINK WITH THE PAST
ROUTINE SMALL EXCESSES ARE WORSE THAN THEN THE OCCASIONAL DEBAUCH
SACRIFICING YOURSELF FOR A BAD CAUSE IS NOT A MORAL ACT
SALVATION CAN'T BE BOUGHT AND SOLD
SELF-AWARENESS CAN BE CRIPPLING
SELF-CONTEMPT CAN DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD
SELFISHNESS IS THE MOST BASIC MOTIVATION
SELFLESSNESS IS THE HIGHEST ACHIEVEMENT
SEPARATISM IS THE WAY TO A NEW BEGINNING
SEX DIFFERENCES ARE HERE TO STAY
SIN IS A MEANS OF SOCIAL CONTROL
SLIPPING INTO MADNESS IS GOOD FOR THE SAKE OF COMPARISON
SLOPPY THINKING GETS WORSE OVER TIME
SOLITUDE IS ENRICHING
SOMETIMES SCIENCE ADVANCES FASTER THAN IT SHOULD
SOMETIMES THINGS SEEM TO HAPPEN OF THEIR OWN ACCORD
SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ON SELF-IMPROVEMENT IS ANTISOCIAL
STARVATION IS NATURE'S WAY
STASIS IS A DREAM STATE
STERILISATION IS A WEAPON OF THE RULERS
STRONG EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT STEMS FROM BASIC INSECURITY
STUPID PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BREED
SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST APPLIES TO MEN AND ANIMALS
SYMBOLS ARE MORE MEANINGFUL THAN THINGS THEMSELVES
TAKING A STRONG STAND PUBLICISES THE OPPOSITE POSITION
TALKING IS USED TO HIDE ONE'S INABILITY TO ACT
TECHNOLOGY WILL MAKE OR BREAK US
THE CRUELEST DISAPPOINTMENT IS WHEN YOU LET YOURSELF DOWN
THE IDEA OF REVOLUTION IS AN ADOLESCENT FANTASY
THE IDEA OF TRANSCENDENCE IS USED TO OBSCURE OPPRESSION
THE IDIOSYNCRATIC HAS LOST ITS AUTHORITY
THE MOST PROFOUND THINGS ARE INEXPRESSIBLE
THE MUNDANE IS TO BE CHERISHED
THE NEW IS NOTHING BUT A RESTATEMENT OF THE OLD
THE ONLY WAY TO BE PURE IS TO STAY BY YOURSELF
THE SUM OF YOUR ACTIONS DETERMINES WHAT YOU ARE
THE UNATTAINABLE IS INVARIABLE ATTRACTIVE
THE WORLD OPERATES ACCORDING TO DISCOVERABLE LAWS
THERE ARE TOO FEW IMMUTABLE TRUTHS TODAY
THERE'S NOTHING EXCEPT WHAT YOU SENSE
THERE'S NOTHING REDEEMING IN TOIL
THINKING TOO MUCH CAN ONLY CAUSE PROBLEMS
THREATENING SOMEONE SEXUALLY IS A HORRIBLE ACT
TIMIDITY IS LAUGHABLE
TO DISAGREE PRESUPPOSES MORAL INTEGRITY
TO VOLUNTEER IS REACTIONARY
TORTURE IS BARBARIC
TRADING A LIFE FOR A LIFE IS FAIR ENOUGH
TRUE FREEDOM IS FRIGHTFUL
UNIQUE THINGS MUST BE THE MOST VALUABLE
UNQUESTIONING LOVE DEMONSTRATES LARGESSE OF SPIRIT
USING FORCE TO STOP FORCE IS ABSURD
VIOLENCE IS PERMISSIBLE EVEN DESIRABLE OCCASIONALLY
WAR IS A PURIFICATION RITE
WE MUST MAKE SACRIFICES TO MAINTAIN OUR QUALITY OF LIFE
WHEN SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS PEOPLE WAKE UP
WISHING THINGS AWAY IS NOT EFFECTIVE
WITH PERSEVERANCE YOU CAN DISCOVER ANY TRUTH
WORDS TEND TO BE INADEQUATE
WORRYING CAN HELP YOU PREPARE
YOU ARE A VICTIM OF THE RULES YOU LIVE BY
YOU ARE GUILELESS IN YOUR DREAMS
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR CONSTITUTING THE MEANING OF THINGS
YOU ARE THE PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE
YOU CAN LIVE ON THROUGH YOUR DESCENDANTS
YOU CAN'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO BE SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT
YOU CAN'T FOOL OTHERS IF YOU'RE FOOLING YOURSELF
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WHAT UNTIL YOU SUPPORT YOURSELF
YOU HAVE TO HURT OTHERS TO BE EXTRAORDINARY
YOU MUST BE INTIMATE WITH A TOKEN FEW
YOU MUST DISAGREE WITH AUTHORITY FIGURES
YOU MUST HAVE ONE GRAND PASSION
YOU MUST KNOW WHERE YOU STOP AND THE WORLD BEGINS
YOU CAN UNDERSTAND SOMEONE OF YOUR SEX ONLY
YOU OWE THE WORLD NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND
YOU SHOULD STUDY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
YOUR ACTIONS AE POINTLESS IF NO ONE NOTICES
YOUR OLDEST FEARS ARE THE WORST ONES

Friday, 25 May 2012

A Brilliant Quote


Putting aside the obvious problem of going up against the incredible, almost god-like, power of the huge megacorporations that own almost every major government in the world, there is an even bigger problem that you're going to face with your "sustainability" message (especially in the U.S.):
Your first message to the masses is going to be "You have to make real sacrifices."
You won't even get the final "s" in sacrifices out before they tar and feather you and run you out of town on a rail. This is a country where a dollar-per-gallon increase in gas prices almost starts a riot, where "keeping up with the Joneses" is considered a birthright, where not one single President or politician has asked *any* American to sacrifice *anything* in over 40 years. No politician here has EVER won on a message of "I'm going to make things materially worse for you" irrespective of whether or not he adds "But things will be better in the long-term for your grandchildren."
They only way your revolution will ever happen will be by force (force of economic collapse or force or arms, but certainly not by popular vote). No one is going to vote for the guy who is asking them to give up their new car, their big house, their HDTV. You can't guilt someone into making REAL HARD material sacrifices.
Social movements in the U.S. do occasionally succeed in getting minor sacrifices out of the public, but the MAJOR ones that this would require? Good luck with that.
-elrous 0

Monday, 21 May 2012

Daily Quote 15

“He’s turned his life around. He used to be miserable and depressed, now he’s depressed and miserable.”
– David Frost

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Daily Quote 14

It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-Gore Vidal

What a girl wants...

Lately, this cynic has taken to browsing FailBlog a lot and has realised what immense failures people do or say to get attention, that then end up on sites like FailBlog. Oh internet, queen of 15 second fame!
But I digress... This post is about a pathetic attempt at an inspirational message (ridden with grammatical errors) , that was then corrected by a (presumably female) internet user.
Aside from probably Bella from Twilight, every other woman will agree with this statement.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Daily Quote 13

 The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls
-Robert F Capon

I Review A Film

No, I'm not a film critic, I've just decided to try my hand reviewing a film! Now, this film in question is not a new film but I think it needs a mention. I first watched MirrorMask two days ago, written by Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean and by Jim Henson Pictures, it is exactly how you'd expect it to be. A surreal fantasy with breathtaking graphics, it may be the closest the film industry has gotten to portraying a dream. Though be warned that it's not very plot-lead, like any decent dream.

SPOILER ALERT! SKIP OUT THIS PARAGRAPH AND READ THE NEXT IF YOU'D LIKE!

Stephanie Leonidas takes the lead role as Helena, our pyjama-clad heroine. The film starts with her having an argument with her mother, who later faints and turns out to have cancer. Blaming herself for her mother's faint and hospitalisation, she visits her at the hospital hoping for forgiveness. Her mother does not believe her and that night wakes up in a dreamlike state and leaves her building to find three masked performers outside. A strange cloud of shadow attacks the troupe and the juggler (named Valentine) pulls Helena to safety. She soon realises that she is in the land of her drawings and that the Princess from the Land of Shadow stole a charm from the City of Light, leaving their White Queen in a state of unnatural sleep and the City vulnerable to the Shadows. She volunteers to find the charm, called the MirrorMask and accompanied by Valentine goes on a trek to find it. After a betrayal and a brainwashing, they do manage to stop the Princess; who looking like Helena had been acting like a slapper as well as destroying Helena's drawings, destroying a way for her to get home. They restore the Queen (who looks suspiciously like Helena's mother) to health with the charm and Helena wakes up.  The next day she bumps into a man who looks and sounds a lot like Valentine while juggling, he then catches the ball she nearly dropped and throws it back to her, replying that he'd 'always wanted to join the circus'.  This begs the question, how real was her dream'?

I thought it was an amazing film and it will always stay with me, the score and graphics were brilliant and I blame this film for my strange dreams the night after I watched it. The thought-provoking question at the end kept me up that night, puzzling me to exhaustion. I cannot recommend this more highly, especially to fans of surrealist literature.  Let me finish with a quote, as I like to finish many things.
"You selfish cake hogger!"
"I did not hog the cake!"-  My favourite piece of dialogue in the film.

Friday, 18 May 2012

At Long Last!

End of Year Exams are over (for this year at least) and I am incredibly relieved!  Spending almost the whole school day staring at a desk is enough to drive anyone insane and I need get used to the fact I have no homework this weekend.  Cramming three exams into every day of the school week but Friday is a moral injustice and needs to be banned.  The end of these tests marks the beginning of the end of this school year (and in the nearer future, half term).  If there are any others out there taking their End of Year's (most people's are next week) then I wish them all the best.  As for me, I'm off to a well-deserved (I think so anyway) rest soon.  As I stated in an earlier post, regular posting will now resume and I will hopefully not sound so grumpy if I make like a banana and...sit there doing nothing all week-end long.
Am I the only one who thinks that punch line is wrong?

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Another Apology

This week is the week of my end of year exams, and for the past few weeks I haven't posted much aside from interesting quotes I've found.  Because of this, my blog hits have basically been plummeting.  I apologise for not writing much stuff and I promise that from Friday onwards, I'll be back on my usual schedule.  All day exams and all night revision make a body tired!

Monday, 14 May 2012

Daily Quote 12

"I don't use drugs; my dreams are frightening enough."
- M. C. Escher

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Daily Quote 11

“I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak.”
-Bill Watterson

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Daily Quote 10

“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
―Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Friday, 11 May 2012

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Daily Quote 8

" I apppear to by lying at the bottom of a very deep dark hole. That seems to be a familiar concept, what does it remind me of? Ah, I remember - life! "
- Marvin (the paranoid android), Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Daily Quote 7

In a crazy world, it's only your insanity that will keep you sane" -Leo Buscaglia

Monday, 7 May 2012

My Favourite Word

Many people like 'pretty' words: serendipity, cynosure, effervescent, etc. They're fine but as the eternal cynic, I find them a bit slushy. This article is about my favourite word.

*Drumroll please*

...Feh

At one syllable it isn't very long and I have a sneaking suspicion that my English teacher would not approve. I really don't care if you think it's a 'real' word or not, if it has been spoken it is a real word in my books.

Besides, it's in the Oxford Dictionary! 'Feh' is classified as an interjection and is usually followed by an exclamation mark. (e.g. You actually eat that‽ Feh!)
Originally, I thought I had made the word up, but some research showed me that it was not the case. When used, it generally expresses disgust, contempt or disinterest. This makes it the perfect answer to anything people may throw at you:

1. "Do you like Brussels Sprouts?"
"Feh!"
2. "Is my perfume too strong?"
"Feh!"
3. "Have you done your homework?"
"Feh."
4. "Am I bovvered?"
"Feh."

even...
5. "Is there such a thing as an odd perfect number?"
"Feh."

Impressive, no?

Trollface Wonders...


This picture really got me thinking...
Perhaps the Bible means that He is His only son in an 'only actual child' way and everyone being God's children in an 'Adam and Eve's descendants' way.  
Perhaps, perhaps not...

Daily Quote 6

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.
- Robert Orben

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Lololol Lists 1




To be clear, this list was not by me but by Rick Bayan at icynic.com.  While it's hilarious, the list doesn't represent my views on everything and I disagree with several.  However, I did find it funny and hope you'll get a laugh out of it too.

714 things to be cynical about:

  1. leaders
  2. followers
  3. outlaws
  4. lawyers
  5. backstabbers
  6. brown-nosers
  7. yes-men
  8. middlemen
  9. alpha males
  10. women who try to be alpha males
  11. good ol' boys who become president
  12. bimbos who become celebrities
  13. all other celebrities
  14. prima donnas
  15. dictators
  16. people who take dictation
  17. workaholics
  18. slackers who pretend to be workaholics
  19. slackers who don't pretend to be workaholics
  20. hypocrites
  21. charlatans
  22. MBAs
  23. mindless office drones who get promoted to management
  24. conformists
  25. nonconformists
  26. poseurs
  27. people who use pretentious French words
  28. bores
  29. boors
  30. weasels
  31. barracudas
  32. pedophile priests
  33. leeches
  34. internal parasites
  35. investment bankers
  36. old-money snobs
  37. new-money snobs
  38. fashion snobs
  39. food snobs
  40. health-and-fitness snobs
  41. "I'm hipper than you'll ever be in your dreams" snobs
  42. upwardly-mobile career snobs
  43. "team players"
  44. negotiators
  45. the fine print
  46. broken contracts
  47. overbooked flights
  48. canceled concerts
  49. annulled marriages
  50. returned gifts
  51. recalled automobiles
  52. planned obsolescence
  53. knowing that your two-year-old $2000 computer is now a mere toy
  54. $500 electronic handheld organizers that are almost as efficient as $30 loose-leaf organizers
  55. 27-year-old Silicon Valley millionaires
  56. computer literacy replacing literary literacy
  57. computer viruses
  58. software bugs
  59. unfathomable computer video games that are instantly mastered by subliterate pre-adolescents
  60. the values instilled by video games (if it gets in your way, nuke it)
  61. thinking about a future society run by people nurtured on video games
  62. watching helplessly as a full day's work is eaten alive by your PC
  63. watching the hourglass hang for two, three, four minutes
  64. "application has stopped responding to the system"
  65. "server does not have a DNS entry"
  66. spending three hours on the internet in a futile search for information
  67. the fact that you could have obtained the information in three minutes by opening a book
  68. the proliferation of websites featuring naked people exchanging bodily fluids
  69. the fact that those websites are more popular than yours or mine
  70. spam! spam! spam! spam!
  71. losing half our free time to internet addiction
  72. losing most of our day to meaningless work
  73. having to play office politics
  74. having to play golf with your superiors
  75. the term "superiors"
  76. the term "subordinates"
  77. cubicles and other sensory deprivation cells
  78. people who thrive in cubicles
  79. people who thrive on 14-hour workdays
  80. people who take their cell phones on vacation
  81. "A" students who end up working for "C" students
  82. "It takes money to make money"
  83. "It's not what you know, it's who you know"
  84. the "power words" used on resumes to impress employers
  85. the fact that employers are impressed with power words on resumes
  86. college graduates who have to settle for a job at Blockbuster
  87. the salaries of liberal arts graduates in the business world
  88. the miseries of liberal arts graduates in the business world
  89. prostituting yourself for less than a prostitute makes
  90. staying at a job you detest because the alternatives are even worse
  91. people who get promoted on the basis of the right shoes or haircut
  92. people who get promoted because they resemble their vice president
  93. executive bonuses that exceed your annual salary
  94. the "fast track"
  95. the "glass ceiling"
  96. being underemployed
  97. being overworked
  98. being reprimanded
  99. being ignored
  100. being framed
  101. being demoted
  102. being moved into the hallway
  103. watching everyone but you rise to the level of their incompetence
  104. the annual incomes of CEOs
  105. the writing ability of CEOs
  106. multimillion-dollar "golden parachutes" awarded to dismissed CEOs
  107. the practice of terminating veteran employees a year before retirement
  108. the term "terminating"
  109. "leveraging"
  110. "targeting"
  111. "impacting"
  112. calling downsizing "rightsizing"
  113. downsizing profitable companies for the sole purpose of wooing investors
  114. the fact that investors reward companies for downsizing
  115. the fact that companies now exist primarily to woo investors
  116. bonuses and stock options for executives who "trimmed the fat"
  117. diet plans -- all 2,178 of them
  118. joggers who perform ostentatious stretching exercises in public places
  119. fitness zealots who carry hand weights when they walk
  120. self-infatuated bodybuilders who know all their muscles by name
  121. health-food fanatics who faint at the sight of a cheeseburger
  122. health-food fanatics who smoke
  123. anorexia nervosa (just put the food in your mouth and CHEW!)
  124. restaurant patrons who send back perfectly edible food to impress their dinner dates
  125. snippy waiters who would rather be snippy actors
  126. waiters who tell you their name, call themselves "servers," and expect a 25% tip
  127. waiting half an hour for a salad
  128. waiting twenty minutes for your check
  129. fussy, oily yuppie cuisine
  130. anything with pesto sauce
  131. "herbed" anything
  132. "fruited" anything
  133. anything with ingredients that require you to consult a glossary
  134. gated communities
  135. $600,000 yuppie homes on 1/4-acre lots
  136. yuppie parents jockeying to get their child into a prestigious nursery school
  137. the growing gap between haves and have-nots
  138. doctors marrying doctors
  139. lawyers marrying lawyers
  140. men marrying men
  141. computer geeks marrying computer geeks
  142. professional jargon: the Tower of Babel revisited
  143. the fact that people expect you to understand their jargon
  144. "newspeak"
  145. "groupthink"
  146. "Big Brother is watching you"
  147. totalitarianism
  148. mass movements
  149. mass media
  150. mass murder
  151. mass marketing
  152. telemarketing
  153. the pathetic scripts read by poor underpaid telemarketing agents
  154. saying "yes" so we don't hurt the poor underpaid telemarketing agent's feelings
  155. junk mail
  156. the time we spend sorting through junk mail
  157. the fact that junk mail is written by people who wanted to be writers
  158. "Urgent: Reply Requested!"
  159. "You may already have won!"
  160. "If you're the winner, we will say MR. OCCUPANT HAS WON $9,000,000.00!"
  161. "A special offer exclusively for Mr. Occupant"
  162. "No strings attached!"
  163. "FREE GIFT!"
  164. "FREE TRIAL OFFER!"
  165. televised trials
  166. medieval trials (if you drown, you're innocent; if you float, you're guilty)
  167. the irrelevance of the truth in all trials
  168. jury rigging
  169. plea bargaining
  170. murderers acquitted because their side had smarter lawyers
  171. innocent people sentenced because the OTHER side had smarter lawyers
  172. convicted murderers paroled after serving six months of a life sentence
  173. prisons that offer free education, VCRs, and complimentary mints on the pillows
  174. legal loopholes
  175. divorce settlements (both spouses lose; both lawyers win)
  176. lawsuits by people who spill coffee on themselves
  177. lawyers who encourage lawsuits by people who spill coffee on themselves
  178. the absurd amounts of money awarded to people who spill coffee on themselves
  179. the absurd amounts of money awarded to lawyers who prosecute lawsuits by people who spill coffee on themselves
  180. the cost of private medical care
  181. the tyranny of managed medical care
  182. the inefficiency of public medical care
  183. dying during a tonsillectomy
  184. the fact that your death will be referred to as a "negative patient healthcare outcome"
  185. health insurance companies that force hospitals to release patients as soon as the anesthesia wears off
  186. health insurance being denied to the people most likely to get sick
  187. health insurance as a capitalist enterprise
  188. health insurance that covers 80% of a $500,000 medical bill
  189. having a heart attack two days after your health insurance expires
  190. the effects of age and gravity on the human body
  191. shrinking from your original height
  192. going senile
  193. losing control of your bladder as a reward for reaching old age
  194. drugs whose side effects are worse than the disease
  195. cancer: opportunism incarnate
  196. dandruff
  197. gout
  198. flatulence
  199. herpes
  200. psoriasis
  201. Alzheimer's disease
  202. Tourette's syndrome
  203. St. Vitus' dance
  204. hemorrhoids
  205. chronic sinusitis
  206. yeast infections
  207. athlete's foot
  208. gum disease
  209. crotch rot
  210. mad cow disease
  211. elephantiasis
  212. crabs
  213. male-pattern baldness
  214. irritable bowel syndrome
  215. having to worry about your blood pressure and cholesterol
  216. the fact that worrying about your blood pressure and cholesterol will probably raise both of them
  217. the fact that virtually everything that tastes good can kill you
  218. subsisting on granola only to find that it contains more saturated fat than two Big Macs
  219. the wretchedness of heart-healthy diets (we are not RABBITS!)
  220. regaining more weight after a diet than you lost during it
  221. people who watch their fat intake and keel over at 47
  222. people who eat lard, smoke two packs a day, and live to be 97
  223. the likelihood that the survivors were also much HAPPIER during their long lives
  224. suspecting that you'll be more like #221 than #222
  225. the smugness of lucky people
  226. the smugness of high-school in-crowders
  227. the even worse smugness of art-world in-crowders
  228. the empty pretentiousness of most modern art
  229. performance artists: street loonies with foundation grants
  230. artists who gain attention by exhibiting their own bodily excretions
  231. artists who pass off collections of scrap metal as sculpture -- and have them deposited on idyllic college campuses
  232. artists who decorate an empty canvas with one horizontal stripe
  233. art critics who see profound meaning in an empty canvas with one horizontal stripe
  234. movie critics who give rave reviews to bad films so their names will appear in newspaper ads
  235. critics who call every passable film or play a "masterpiece"
  236. critics who trash a film, play or book for the chance to turn a clever phrase
  237. designated bestsellers stacked four feet high in the bookstore window
  238. good books going out of print because nobody knows about them
  239. nondescript chain bookstores driving out quirky independent bookstores
  240. celebrity authors who earn more for one ghostwritten book than 100 editors make in a year
  241. the state of publishing today
  242. the state of Nevada
  243. sleaze
  244. bogus fun
  245. bogus ANYTHING
  246. breast implants
  247. sex-change operations
  248. bad toupees
  249. good toupees
  250. blazing white dentures
  251. used-car dealers
  252. chain letters
  253. pyramid schemes
  254. people who refer to pyramid schemes as "multi-level marketing"
  255. euphemisms like "differently abled" and "mentally challenged"
  256. oxymorons like "military intelligence" and "corporate culture"
  257. "Catch-22" situations; e.g., "you can't get a job unless you already have a job"
  258. millionaire ballplayers who grumble about their salaries
  259. artificial turf, polyester uniforms, costumed mascots and other tackiness on the field
  260. team owners who fire managers for losing the World Series
  261. free agents who jump from team to team like hungry fleas
  262. boxers who bite off their opponents' ears or other body parts
  263. "great white hopes" = great white dopes
  264. college football teams made up of convicted felons
  265. pro football players who either strut ostentatiously or pray ostentatiously each time they score a touchdown
  266. female sports reporters allowed into men's locker rooms
  267. male sports reporters allowed into women's locker rooms (as if!)
  268. sports teams with singular names; e.g., the Utah Jazz
  269. sports teams with absurdly incongruous names; e.g., the Utah Jazz
  270. sports parents who browbeat their kids for screwing up on the field
  271. asinine chants of "We're #1!" (Americans always have to be #1)
  272. sports fanatics who live vicariously through their teams
  273. nerds who live vicariously through "Star Trek"
  274. anyone who lives vicariously through any soap opera
  275. celebrity worship
  276. wealth without taste
  277. taste without wealth
  278. shameless celebrity promotional vehicles like "Entertainment Tonight"
  279. John Tesh, shameless composer
  280. "Candle in the Wind"
  281. eulogies delivered by clergymen who didn't know the deceased
  282. how we forget good people after their deaths and remember Attila the Hun
  283. Gresham's Law: the bad drives out the good
  284. the worldwide triumph of cockroaches
  285. the worldwide triumph of rats
  286. the worldwide triumph of American popular culture
  287. absurd foreign imitations of American popular culture: Russian nightclubs, Czech rock groups, Japanese jazz bands, Turkish soap operas
  288. the profitability of bad taste
  289. the bad taste graveyard: disco, leisure suits, velvet clown paintings
  290. pinkie rings and gold chains on wealthy building contractors
  291. bad art in hotel/motel rooms
  292. the fact that those bad artists can afford to stay in hotels with GOOD art
  293. romance novels with Fabio on the cover
  294. Elvis and Princess Diana collectibles
  295. the fact that the majority of autographed sports collectibles are fakes
  296. the need to purchase separate shoes for walking, jogging, tennis and basketball
  297. selling advertising space on anything that doesn't move and some things that DO (buses, stock cars, Olympic athletes)
  298. people who sell cemetery plots or penny stocks over the phone
  299. ingenious high-pressure sales tactics that make us feel stupid if we say "no" and even stupider after we say "yes"
  300. buying things on sale: spending money to save money
  301. annual "going out of business" sales
  302. people who spend an hour clipping coupons so they can save 87 cents
  303. receiving Christmas catalogs in August
  304. discovering there's no Santa Claus
  305. the ugly, insanely popular, hard-to-obtain toys that parents must buy to appease their children
  306. the fact that parents NEED to appease their own children
  307. cheap toys with hundreds of dollars worth of accessories to buy
  308. toys merchandised as movie tie-ins
  309. the licensing of dead celebrities
  310. people who gain an identity by wearing t-shirts with commercial logos
  311. "As seen on TV!"
  312. the bewildering success of home shopping channels ("Who would ever watch nonstop commercials?," asked the cynic)
  313. infomercials for psychic hotlines, motivational tapes, exercise machines and baldness remedies
  314. people who have nothing better to do at night than watch infomercials
  315. people who promise they'll call but never do
  316. people who complain because you promised to call but never do
  317. people who ask "How are you?" but don't really want to know
  318. people who make you miserable
  319. the fact that you ALLOW people to make you miserable
  320. that luck is definitely a factor in getting what you want
  321. that you can make your own luck but nobody tells you how
  322. being unlucky in love
  323. being unlucky in the stock market
  324. stocks that plummet after you buy them
  325. stocks that go through the roof after you sell them
  326. having to pay your broker a commission on losing stocks
  327. the fact that your broker has no incentive to sell you WINNING stocks as long as you pay a commission on losing stocks
  328. the fact that the entire economy of the free world is in the hands of gamblers
  329. lotteries
  330. sweepstakes
  331. church bingo
  332. casinos
  333. Wall Street, the world's biggest casino
  334. that American Indians have to operate casinos to survive
  335. Las Vegas
  336. lounge acts
  337. Frank Sinatra after 1970
  338. pop music after 1970
  339. life after 1970
  340. striving
  341. giving up
  342. promises
  343. betrayals
  344. excuses
  345. prejudice against fat people
  346. prejudice against dark-skinned people
  347. prejudice against excessively stupid and excessively intelligent people
  348. prejudice against people with big noses
  349. prejudice against ugly women
  350. prejudice against gentle men
  351. "all men are created equal"
  352. "the pursuit of happiness"
  353. chronic disappointment
  354. expecting rewards in the hereafter
  355. the apparent indifference of God
  356. the possibility that God is a myth
  357. the possibility that God is a crank
  358. the possibility that God is a jokester
  359. the prevalence of unbelieving theologians: NOT a good sign
  360. the perverse intelligence of inanimate objects that roll just out of reach
  361. boxtops that tear as you open them
  362. paper grocery bags that tear when they're full of glass jars
  363. toilet paper that tears as you use it
  364. price labels that won't come off without tearing the product
  365. plastic bags you have to open with your teeth
  366. "twist-off" bottlecaps that rip your fingers
  367. VCRs so complicated that you need an engineering degree to program them
  368. 500 channels and nothing you want to watch
  369. electronic gadgets that come with incoherent instructions written by well- intentioned Asians
  370. major appliances that break down two days after the warranty expires
  371. traffic lights that are programmed to turn red as soon as you arrive from the previous red light
  372. picking the shortest line at a toll booth or supermarket checkout -- and watching the others pass you by
  373. playing by the rules and watching the outlaws pass you by
  374. man's treachery toward his fellow-creatures
  375. raising and nurturing good-natured cows, pigs and chickens so they can become DINNER
  376. killing rhinos for their horns
  377. killing elephants for their tusks
  378. killing baby seals for their fur
  379. killing employees for their productivity
  380. the National Rifle Association
  381. the fact that it's easier in the U.S. to obtain handguns than Cuban cigars
  382. the oil cartel
  383. U.S. alliances and wars motivated by the sweet smell of oil
  384. the tobacco industry profiting from the slow suicides of smokers
  385. people who start smoking to be cool, then sue tobacco companies when they develop lung cancer
  386. the fact that tobacco ever caught on in the first place ("Why would anyone stick burning leaves in his mouth?," asked the cynic)
  387. the fact that tobacco is more profitable than book publishing
  388. the fact that nearly ANY industry is more profitable than book publishing
  389. exploitation of resources, including human resources
  390. the term "human resources" (we are not BAUXITE!)
  391. billion-dollar sportswear companies that profit from exploiting child labor
  392. clear-cutting the rainforests to make room for McDonald's beef cattle
  393. excessive hysteria over snail darters and northern spotted owls
  394. insufficient hysteria over the approaching extinction of tigers, pandas, gorillas and other first-rate mammals
  395. Greenpeace (skip the '60s poetics -- just tell us what you do)
  396. war
  397. Pentagon spending habits; e.g., $640 toilet seats and $76 screws
  398. the contractors who charge $640 per toilet seat and $76 per screw
  399. being drafted
  400. boot camp: sadomasochism as a character-builder
  401. being expected to die for a country you can't locate on a map
  402. bombing the wrong village
  403. being killed by "friendly fire"
  404. being killed one day before the truce is signed
  405. being hit by a bus one day after returning to civilian life
  406. the raunchy brutality of urban life
  407. drug pushers
  408. street gangs
  409. rapists
  410. carjackers
  411. slumlords
  412. racketeers
  413. panhandlers
  414. muggers who shoot you for a cigarette or a pair of sneakers
  415. welfare mothers raising FUTURE welfare mothers
  416. welfare fathers who sire six children by six different women
  417. ghetto dwellers blaming their problems on racism
  418. middle-class blacks encountering REAL racism when they move out of the ghetto
  419. the fact that most stereotypes contain a grain of truth that keeps them alive: emotional Italians; smart, aggressive Jews; hot-blooded Latins; beguiling, hard-drinking Irish; disciplined, regimented Germans and Japanese; inbred rednecks
  420. not being allowed to say that blacks have rhythm or superior athletic skill -- despite all the compelling evidence in their favor
  421. not being allowed to talk about Jewish cultural influence -- despite the likelihood that the 20th century will be remembered as a Jewish Renaissance
  422. the fact that Jewish sensitivities may have been conditioned by 2000 years of nonstop anti-Semitism
  423. "Some of my best friends are [fill in the blank]"
  424. the fact that every oppressed minority group likes to think it suffered more than every other oppressed minority group
  425. Holocaust museums, AIDS quilts and other public statements of victimhood
  426. the fact that we still NEED Holocaust museums, AIDS quilts and other public statements of victimhood
  427. symbolic protests with live people masquerading as dead bodies
  428. demands of amnesty by whining political agitators (if you don't want to be arrested, don't commit a crime)
  429. '60s radicals who used the Vietnam War as an excuse to promote Marxism
  430. '60s radicals who became Wall Street tycoons
  431. '60s radicals who still wear tie-dyed shirts and sandals
  432. liberals whose friends are exclusively upper-middle class
  433. conservatives whose friends are exclusively upper-middle class
  434. capitalism
  435. communism
  436. socialism
  437. fascism
  438. commericialism
  439. terrorism
  440. male chauvinism
  441. female chauvinism
  442. plagiarism
  443. optimism
  444. Freudianism
  445. psychoanalysts who keep their patients coming back for 20 years
  446. patients who still hope for a cure after being psychoanalyzed for 20 years
  447. group therapy: a less expensive cure that doesn't work
  448. electroshock therapy: a quicker cure that doesn't work
  449. finally going crazy
  450. psychiatrists who are crazier than their patients
  451. finding happiness only after getting a lobotomy
  452. being labeled a "former mental patient" for life
  453. "sensitivity" training and other forms of brainwashing
  454. psychobabble: the standardization of introspection
  455. codependency and other pop-psychology concepts designed to sell books
  456. the fact that there wouldn't be so many self-help books if any of them worked
  457. anyone associated with the O.J. Simpson trial who wrote a book
  458. O.J. Simpson
  459. 20-year-old Hollywood starlets who form their own production companies
  460. Hollywood agents of any age
  461. the "A" list for Hollywood parties
  462. the people who decide who's on the "A" list
  463. Hollywood movies after "Star Wars"
  464. blockbusters
  465. sequels to blockbusters
  466. bad movies based on old TV shows
  467. the fact that those bad movies become blockbusters anyway
  468. Julia Roberts, highest-paid film actress of all time
  469. The fact that the highest-paid actress used to be Demi Moore until Julia Roberts replaced her
  470. the fact that it would take the average U.S. worker more than six centuries to earn what the top male stars receive for one film
  471. the fact that Michael Ovitz received five times that much when he was fired from Disney
  472. the fact that Michael Eisner received more than five times as much as Ovitz in ONE DAY, when he cashed in his Disney stock options
  473. the symbolism of Pia Zadora buying and demolishing Pickfair, once the grandest mansion in Beverly Hills
  474. overreliance on special effects in mainstream Hollywood films
  475. too much @$&#*!% profanity in mainstream Hollywood films
  476. knee-jerk contempt for religion in mainstream Hollywood films
  477. knee-jerk contempt for Hollywood by the religious right
  478. films that depict Jesus as a blue-eyed Nordic
  479. "To him that hath, more shall be given"
  480. the old-boy network
  481. the tendency of high-school in-crowders to become adult in-crowders
  482. being snubbed by the in-crowd because of your looks, clothes, taste in music, or weird family
  483. being snubbed by a friend in the presence of in-crowders
  484. teachers who embarrass you in front of the entire class
  485. students who embarrass teachers in front of the entire class
  486. homework in every subject
  487. teachers' pets
  488. the worship of student athletes (except in cross-country, wrestling, golf and fencing)
  489. cheerleaders
  490. the importance of being selected as a cheerleader
  491. parents who murder cheerleaders who were selected over their own kids
  492. wanting to be considered cool: the root of all teenage vices
  493. the inexplicable vogue for multiple pierced body parts, including tongues
  494. peer pressure (ask any lemming)
  495. being taunted for being virtuous
  496. having to worry that you're gay if you're still a virgin at 18
  497. having to think your entire future will be determined by your college board scores
  498. being rejected by your #1 college
  499. being rejected by your #2 college
  500. being rejected by every college except your "safety" school
  501. being rejected by your "safety" school
  502. going to your #1 college -- and hating it
  503. bickering with the college administration
  504. crass college students who major in merchandising or finance
  505. idealistic college students who major in history, philosophy or French (turn back before the world devours you!)
  506. being stuck with a roommate from hell
  507. the hell you have to go through to pledge a fraternity
  508. fraternities in general
  509. sororities in general
  510. fraternity boys who become top executives
  511. private university graduates who look down on state university graduates
  512. state university graduates who look down on state college graduates
  513. state college graduates who look down on community college graduates
  514. high school dropouts who earn more than all of them
  515. mom-and-pop businesses driven out by shopping malls
  516. mom-and-pop businesses driven out by designer boutiques and tattoo parlors
  517. what it takes to succeed
  518. motivational seminars that promise easy success
  519. the fact that the easiest way to succeed is to give motivational seminars
  520. consulting: the art of succeeding while unemployed
  521. the success of writers and artists who sell out
  522. the wretchedness of writers and artists who don't
  523. tenure for scholars: freedom to be mediocre
  524. being denied tenure
  525. semiotics, deconstructionism, and similar vehicles for academic obfuscation
  526. Afrocentrism (sorry, the Egyptians weren't black)
  527. Women's Studies (sorry, women aren't an ethnic group)
  528. the shameful exclusion of non-Western cultures from old history textbooks
  529. the overemphasis on non-Western cultures in current textbooks
  530. the term "Third World" ("How come we never hear about the First and Second Worlds?," asked the cynic)
  531. Montezuma's revenge
  532. what the Spaniards did to Montezuma
  533. trying to convert the heathens
  534. selling refrigerators to Eskimos
  535. having to call Eskimos "Inuit"
  536. having to call Burma "Myanmar"
  537. having to call Dave Barry "America's favorite humorist"
  538. the fact that Tom Cruise is more famous than John Adams or Charlemagne
  539. the fact that MTV is more famous than the 3,000-year-old nation of Armenia
  540. Planet Hollywood
  541. the Hard Rock Cafe
  542. gawking tourists who wear Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts
  543. paparazzi
  544. supermarket tabloids
  545. people who buy tabloids and complain about paparazzi
  546. Calvin Klein ads (what exactly are we selling here?)
  547. reading about the triumphs of the shallow in "People" magazine
  548. the term "beautiful people" used without irony
  549. chic: the triumph of style over substance
  550. 55-year-old celebrities who try to look 30
  551. cosmetic surgery
  552. Michael Jackson, self-made alien
  553. Michael Jackson's marriages
  554. Michael Jackson's peculiar friendship with Elizabeth Taylor
  555. Elizabeth Taylor's marriages
  556. the publicity uses of entering the Betty Ford Clinic
  557. alcoholism as a "disease"
  558. gambling as a "disease"
  559. AIDS as a "civil rights issue"
  560. the sad last days of discarded celebrities
  561. tabloids that exploit the sad last days of discarded celebrities
  562. the woes of former child stars
  563. the warped ambitions of stage parents
  564. the futile ambitions of would-be writers
  565. the fact that nobody reads literature anymore
  566. the fact that Walt Disney World is the biggest single tourist attraction in the U.S.
  567. the disappearance of classical music radio stations
  568. the perplexing success of the ugliest pop music
  569. the inevitable triumph of energy over refinement
  570. the fact that cultured men today are predominantly gay
  571. the fact that heterosexual men today are predominantly uncultured
  572. the fact that single men have to feel suspect if they're cultured
  573. men who regard women as sex toys
  574. smart middle-aged women who regard uneducated young men as sex toys
  575. middle-aged alpha males with trophy wives
  576. women who praise sensitive men but fall for alpha males
  577. men who demand that their women look like Barbie
  578. women who demand that their men be "financially secure"
  579. crude, lascivious men who leer at women, make jokes about breasts, etc., etc.
  580. hip, contemporary women who leer at men, make jokes about penises, etc., etc.
  581. the comical ineptness of intellectual men in the real world
  582. the shrill fascism of intellectual feminists who denounce our rigid "phallocentric" institutions, like grammar, sex and rocket science
  583. the condescension of older businessmen toward the "little ladies"
  584. women who characterize flirtation as sexual harassment
  585. men who characterize sexual harassment as flirtation
  586. the male double standard: it's OK for men (but not women) to fool around
  587. female double standards: it's OK for women (but not men) to bash the opposite sex, have their own colleges and clubs, whine, let their spouses support them, etc., etc.
  588. the fact that everything ultimately boils down to sex
  589. the fact that sex fuels the egos of people whose egos don't need fueling
  590. kinky sex (isn't "normal" sex kinky enough?)
  591. impotence: nature's way of telling a man he doesn't deserve to get lucky
  592. faked orgasms: woman's way of telling a man he's luckier than he deserves to be
  593. potential lovers who tell you about the "great sex" they had with a previous lover
  594. current lovers who are having "great sex" with somebody else but don't tell you about it
  595. current lovers who are having "great sex" with somebody else and DO tell you about it
  596. the inventiveness of women's excuses for saying no
  597. the inventiveness of men's arguments for persuading a woman to say yes
  598. sexual starvation
  599. watching people who are dorkier than you get all the sex they want
  600. having to practice safe sex
  601. having to practice salesmanship to get sex
  602. the depth of conversations at singles bars
  603. the depth of conversations in online chat rooms
  604. the depth of conversations in most marriages
  605. spats
  606. replays of the same spats
  607. breaking up after making up
  608. being dumped by someone you love
  609. being dumped for your best friend
  610. being dumped for your mate's best friend
  611. being dumped as part of your mate's latest career move
  612. "Can't we just be friends?"
  613. watching your ex-mate get lucky while your heart is still broken
  614. searching for new mate so you have another chance to experience all of the above
  615. the lamentable decline of romance
  616. the unlamented demise of Western Civilization
  617. the survival of tuberculosis bacilli and political parties
  618. big government: a charity funded by legalized extortion
  619. taxation without representation
  620. taxation WITH representation
  621. representative government masquerading as democracy
  622. Washington insiders
  623. dinner parties for Washington insiders
  624. buying an ambassadorship
  625. foreign ambassadors with 137 parking tickets who claim diplomatic immunity
  626. backslappers and palm-greasers
  627. congressmen who sell out to lobbyists
  628. presidents who sell out to lobbyists
  629. lobbyists
  630. political cronies appointed to high office
  631. the politicians who appoint the appointees
  632. political scandals
  633. cover-ups of scandals
  634. press coverage of cover-ups of scandals
  635. the blindness of the press toward JFK's scandals
  636. the bloodlust of the press in covering Nixon's one scandal
  637. candidates for the U.S. presidency since 1960
  638. candidates for local office in every era
  639. selling favors for campaign contributions: political prostitution
  640. making impossible campaign promises: political courtship
  641. committing impeachable offenses: political adultery
  642. being impeached: political divorce proceedings
  643. photo opportunities and sound bites
  644. spin doctors
  645. mudslinging as a viable campaign strategy
  646. pollsters' and psychics' predictions
  647. corporate earnings forecasts
  648. investors who bail out of a company because it earned $1.24 per share instead of $1.26 per share
  649. companies that downsize because they earned $1.24 per share instead of $1.26 per share
  650. the stock market soaring on news of higher unemployment
  651. going on unemployment yourself
  652. mortgages and other long-term, life-sapping obligations, like marriage
  653. divorce
  654. having to pay alimony and child support
  655. not receiving alimony and child support
  656. staying single because you think the other option is even worse
  657. having to think of yourself as "unfit" if you don't propagate your genes
  658. looking at some of the people who DO propagate their genes
  659. watching a billion years of evolution sputter out when you die childless
  660. knowing that all your knowledge and experiences will evaporate when you die
  661. being dead
  662. being embalmed
  663. being displayed at an open-casket funeral
  664. decomposition
  665. eternal damnation
  666. heaven
  667. purgatory ("What's the point?," asked the cynic. "We've already been there.")
  668. reincarnation (damned if I'm taking calculus again!)
  669. past-life regression therapy
  670. aromatherapy
  671. foot reflexology
  672. chakras
  673. auras
  674. spirit channeling
  675. energy vortexes
  676. good karma and bad karma
  677. gurus
  678. false idols
  679. pop idols
  680. the artist formerly known as Prince
  681. the company still known as Microsoft
  682. monopolies
  683. landing on Boardwalk with a hotel on it
  684. not passing "GO"
  685. not winning
  686. not even breaking even
  687. the fact that virtue is rarely rewarded
  688. that the rewards usually go to the wrong people
  689. that good things don't last
  690. that bad things never go away
  691. that nothing you do in this life will matter 10,000 years from now
  692. that nothing you do in this life will matter 10 years from now
  693. that nearly everything you do is dictated by your genes
  694. that you'll never have enough time to do everything you want
  695. that everything declines eventually, including you
  696. the decline of language
  697. the decline of art
  698. the decline of decency
  699. puritanism: lusting to prevent others from lusting
  700. searching for happiness
  701. searching for kindred spirits
  702. searching for love
  703. searching for self-esteem
  704. searching for the meaning of life
  705. searching for a flashlight with live batteries
  706. searching for answers
  707. never finding the answers
  708. not wanting to find the answers
  709. realizing that the answers will always elude you if you search for them
  710. knowing that you're still clueless after all these years
  711. realizing that all the wise men, philosophers and self-help authors were clueless, too
  712. knowing that the world is going to fall apart eventually
  713. not caring if the world falls apart
  714. "whatever"

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Daily Quote 5

It's all very complex. Or else it's very simple. Or perhaps both. Or neither.
-Unknown 

I'm Ever So Sorry..

I'm ever so sorry for forgetting to write in my blog for an inexcusably long time and for that I apologise.  I hope you do understand that for the next 2 weeks I will not be posting very much because I have the dreaded end of year exams looming around the corner and need to do some serious revision.  Please understand, people!

P.S. I will still post weekly at the very least.